"Life is about taking CHANCES"
No matter how many times you failed, the memories of how you succeed remains, and the pains of disappointments passes, and the searching starts with "Small steps that leads to Giant leap"
At times, as the process goes we become blinded by being disillusioned, so the best thing to do is to open not only our eyes but our heart as well to see and feel where exactly the JOURNEY BEGINS.....
We may undergo life's construction where we start growing, changing, and becoming what we would like us to be. It may not be easy as sometimes it is marked with confinement and limitations , it is because we refused to go and challenge our limits, admit it or not we are scared for the changes it will bring to us, its not easy to leave what we used to do because its a part of us.
Surprisingly,what looks like a detour in our life is eventually will lead us to a new road to blessings and happiness. There'll be moments where Life's leave us empty handed and no where to go and totally we're at lost , but remember these are just a phases where we need to pass through and overcome to remind ourselves that we are actually stronger than what we think we are.
Simple Truth? Life is good, and our happiness is our own responsibility. Live your life with no apprehension, Say what you want to say without hurting someone's feeling, do what you've always wanted to do without disturbing other, laugh out loud if it is really funny and cry if you need to, because no matter how bad it is, it's TEMPORARY !
Life is made up of infinite possibilities, open yourself and everything will be easier.
"If you think it, you'll feel it, If you feel it, you'll say it..so just do it! Everything makes sense at the end....
" Dating Is always the exciting way of meeting Someone"
But when you're dating someone new , everything seems Foreign, especially if that someone is a "Foreigner" Cultural Differences, Religions, Beliefs and Traditions and its actually interesting.
You're sharing good laughs,experiences,and matured talks, good food even if its just Burger and Fries and Salads and Beers and Water and smoothies, its not that, you cant afford to dine in an expensive Fine Dining Restaurants, Its just that you both enjoyed the spontaneity of a good conversation without being too formal that eventually gets you lost to track the time .
But what if " Dating turns to Liking?" Can you still be spontaneous? Or you will just try to ignore or press the Red button because it quite dis alarming? Now it will totally disturb you from being a Hermitess to being a Siren, and if that would be the case the " Liking will turns to Loving"?
And then Suddenly the "Foreigner asked me what is "LOVE" at that moment the Siren shut off...I need to pause,break????? or step back? the most an avoidable four letter word that I dont want to hear at this time in my life, and I think the oddest question I heard, I was dumbfounded from a Foreigner's mouth and in the corner of my mind I was beginning to ask myself "What does really LOVE means?
Is it "Love" when you mentioned his/her name 100x a day more than you mentioned your name? or is it about you think of his/her convenience more than yourself?, or is it about worrying about his/her needs more than your own? or staring at his/her pictures because you're starting to miss her/him? and you cant keep a hands off from your phone because you're checking the messages and wishing that every time its beeps its from him or her? Bizarre isn't it?
LOVE is something that is depends on a LOVERS point of view to describe.
It's like putting a thrill,an excitement in a whimsical world, a Fairy tale that don't exists in reality, an interpretations of happiness but you felt terrified because you're scared in the grandiose idea of falling in love, and you avoid to be Swept away by the emotions that will try to divert you to fantasies, I am too cynical? yes I admit ! but I am just being me.
Love is... I Love you but I love me more..I will justify myself not to mislead you from what you believed in . I guess the truth is that You have to love yourself first before you can fully love someone.
Relationships aren't always happy, well let me asks you then? "How often you felt being happy in your relationships?Because if you do says so always then I guess your relationship is "PERFECT? and you are living in a Fantasy land, but the sad truth there's no Perfect Relationships in the real world, it will just be perfect when you both supports your indifferences and compromise not to change it. Changes sometimes destroy relationships, you are trying to change the person based on the character you are trying to build inside your mind.
There's so many Real Love Stories I heard, watched ,observed, some can be too good to be a novel or a short stories or a fairy tales to open your eyes that theres no guarantee that you wont get hurt, some even gave you an idea to always bring a pain killer inside your purse so that youre ready in case you need them, but that doesn't mean it wasn't filled with LOVE.
LOVE is not all about Roses and Chocolates, Steaks and Wines, Diamonds and Vows, it is something you cant even find the best adjective to describe it... its NIRVANA... you dont planned it, you dont mechanically can set it or delay it through a Time machine, it will just happen, and when you start hearing the little drumbeat inside your heart,and that nobody can hear but you alone, and its creating a wonderful music in your ears, and when you start to have it dont resists just enjoy it! but make sure you're still connected in the real world.
I was shocked, I felt the numbness and in my disbelief...someone who had been a part of my teenage life passed away.....
I felt that pain and sadness in response of his loss and suddenly had an emotionally shut off from the world, and then memories of him flashes back..late night discos, the movie marathon, the frosties and burgers, the late night phone calls, the " I hate you's and dont want to see anymore" those statements he's getting from me whenever I am upset with him, and the I am sorry after.
We're not been a perfect couple , but I would say we've been perfect friends, well maybe because the truth is that he preferred to have a different sexual orientation from the fact that he is a man with a heart of a woman.
I still remembered how upset I was when I found it out and how shameful it was for him to face me, and that particular day was the last time I saw him.
After Seven years of no news , I received an email from him Saying how sorry he was, and on that day I responded to his mail telling I have forgiven him long time ago, I just dont know how to tell him.
And another Five years had passed since from that exchanging emails, I received an email, but this time not from him but from a friend telling me he just passed away yesterday.
All I can recall now is his smiling face, how loud he laughs,how much he loves burgers and fries,how much he hates the smell of an onion and garlic, how vain he was to wear excessive smell of perfume, and how cute he was whenever he's buying pairs of shoes for me... I dont want to know what happened to him for the years that I got no single news of his whereabouts , his career, of how his family refused to accept his preference to become a member of the third sex.
I just wanted to remember him as "The Guy who loves to shop pairs of shoes for me..."
God Bless your soul "Al" may you rest in Peace.
" Love Does Hurt Sometimes, but other Times its Amazing" It wasnt easy but its a realization that from now on ooops...I'm alone (it hurts somehow but theres actually a relief) and then that reality hits me straightly "bull's eye" that Circumstances has its own reason to put things in perspective.
What A great day to start with! I thought I was alone but actually I am not.....well physically yes I was But I am so blessed, Imagine I just lost .01 % compared to 99.99% of people who loves me....My Family and my greatest Friends whom I just can count them with the numbers of fingers I have in my two hands. With them I was able to have that little steps to get back to my own world, being back to my oldself the improved me, with a big smile on my face that Everyday I am getting better.
It amazes me that every morning I am waking up growing Smarter, Braver and Bolder being the best of myself that makes me feel that Life is really wonderful, it may knocks me down at times but it knocks me up most of the time. There is always something to look forward to, no matter how bad it was yesterday.
Starting to clear the cluttered pieces is not as easy as throwing trashes in the garbage disposal. Discarding the thoughts of BITTERNESS, Bagging Up and Throwing the old patterns of unimportant sensual thoughts is a good way to reorganize my emotional storage area and I am taking each day at time, so when I am ready to open my door the storage is ready again to be fill in with good memories and its not all about how I felt yesterday or painful it was that matters, its how I'll be able to move forward that really counts and what am I thinking today and how I can do it tomorrow.
I am the Writer, the Director, and the Producer of my own life, it maybe a variety of shows, Drama?Comedy?Romance? and the viewer is nobody else but myself, it may be a hit or a flat, but what is important is not the mistakes of how I did it but the lessons I got from It!
